


enough (for me for me)

by ladybonehollows



Category: Green Creek Series - T.J. Klune
Genre: Amnesia, Gen, Heartsong, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:06:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24455647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladybonehollows/pseuds/ladybonehollows
Summary: Things aren't the same since Robbie's come back. They might not be the same ever again. But Kelly will fight for what he has instead.
Relationships: Kelly Bennett & Mark Bennett, Kelly Bennett/Robbie Fontaine
Comments: 5
Kudos: 32
Collections: Green Creek Bingo





	enough (for me for me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kh530](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kh530/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM!
> 
> This fic is for Sam, who is the person who pulled me into the Green Creek universe to start with and changed my life forever.
> 
> Also written for the Green Creek Bingo prompt: amnesia
> 
> Spoilers for the first half(?) of Heartsong

The early morning sunlight was bright enough in the back yard that I almost felt warm all the way through. I’d always known that wolves ran hot — Ox had told us enough times while he was still a human, and it was a never-ending joke among Team Human that most of the pack were a walking furnace.

I was still a part of the pack, but I hadn’t felt warm in weeks. Not in the way that I was used to.

Objectively, it was a perfect morning. Birds sang in the trees, a faint breeze played in the air. The grass was still cool enough to sink my bare feet into as I sat on the steps leading down from the porch. Robbie had smiled at me over breakfast, and for a moment, the lingering tiredness from a restless night’s sleep had dissolved like it had never been.

Robbie had not long ago left for work. I should have gone back upstairs to get ready for my own day, but instead I’d found my way outside, searching for a moment alone to pull myself together. Now, it wasn’t long before I had to leave, but I couldn’t make myself move. There was something weighing heavily on my chest, something that needed to be reined in if I had any chance left at sanity.

Something that felt like it could be hope, if hope weren’t so dangerous.

The sound of footsteps on the timber behind me made me start, and it was with a flash of annoyance that I looked over my shoulder. That irritation only deepened when Mark sank silently onto the step beside me.

Not because he was here. Of course not.

Because I couldn’t feel him the way that I used to. I couldn’t hear him approaching before he’d walked through the back door. I couldn’t feel the warm presence of his mind linked to mine as he put his focus on me, or analyse his intention through that same link. Silent and thoughtful were typical of Mark, but it was only since I couldn’t feel him in my mind that I’d realised just how quiet he could be.

Even feeling the fractured and frayed bond of the omega wolf would have been better than this emptiness. I closed my eyes, and for all I could sense, I could have been completely alone in the world. I’d had people living in my head, in my heart, in my soul, ever since I could remember. I’d felt their joy and their hurt and their longing like it was my own, and known that they’d shared mine as well.

Now I had nothing.

And felt immediately guilty for the thought. It wasn’t true, not completely. Ever since we’d come home, everyone had been defensive and protective of me. I didn’t need the pack bonds to see how worried Joe and Mom were for me, and Carter had barely let me out of his sight. It would have made me angry if I hadn’t needed it so badly.

Opening my eyes, I wiggled my bare toes in the grass. The birds were quieter now, as though they’d ventured further from the house. Eventually, Mark spoke, as I knew he would. “Robbie seems to be happier in his old room than in the basement.”

I looked at him sideways, but Mark’s eyes remained straight ahead, gazing off into the forest. It had been a few days now since Gordo had set Robbie to work in the garage, and Robbie had moved upstairs. “I think anyone would be happier in a bedroom than in a basement,” I pointed out.

Mark didn’t respond straight away, and the bemusement I’d felt at him stating the obvious faded quickly to nothing in his silence. And then, “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed…” Now his hesitation was less easy, and I watched him carefully as his brow creased. “I thought you would have just known, but I forgot that you wouldn’t have been able to hear him or catch his scent. I’m sorry.”

The apology was genuine, even if I didn’t know what to do with it. I shrugged, dropping my eyes to the ground. “It is what it is,” I said, and wished it were so simple. I hated what had happened to me, what had been  _ taken _ from me, but my family had twenty seven years of habit to break, and if I could still feel surprised at the chill in my bones, I couldn’t expect them to remember every single thing either. “What haven’t I noticed?”

When I looked up again, Mark’s eyes were finally on me. I couldn’t read them, and oh how I ached to. “Ever since I brought him up to his room,” my uncle said, “Robbie’s been sleeping in front of your door. He’s trying to keep you safe.”

And just like, a lump formed in my throat that was impossible to swallow down. That feeling that could be hope swelled higher, but it was tinged by hesitation, by fear, by the lack of recognition in Robbie’s eyes when I first saw him again. “I know,” I choked out. “I got up to go to the bathroom a few nights ago and found him there.” I almost hadn’t seen him in the barely there light in the hallway. He’d shifted in his sleep when I opened the door, and I’d stood frozen until I was sure he hadn’t woken. “Is it… every night?”

“Every night,” Mark said confidently. I wasn’t sure how he knew, since he didn’t live here anymore. Maybe Ox had found him. Maybe I was the only one who didn’t know what was happening around me. I glanced at Mark nervously, and caught a twitch of his lips. “Did you step over him?”

I scowled at him, even as I tried not to smile. “I held it, shut up.”

Mark’s smile widened, then softened. “You’ve had lunch with him a few times now, haven’t you?”

My mind went back to that first time that I’d taken him to lunch. He’d seemed uncertain, nervous, hesitant, but when I’d reintroduced myself to him, he’d seemed pleased. A fresh start. I didn’t want a fresh start — I wanted  _ Robbie _ back, my Robbie, with every memory intact. Every good and bad moment, because that’s what made us who we  _ are _ . I wanted it so badly that I couldn’t breathe with the longing.

But if this was all I could have… I’d take it. I’d take anything. It wouldn’t be the same, but it would be  _ something _ . It could still be  _ Kelly and Robbie _ , we could still be happy together, we could build something new. I’d give Robbie everything I had. I’d take humanity over a life without him in it, again and again and again.

I hadn’t answered Mark. I cleared my throat so the words wouldn’t come out as a croak — it only kind of worked. “Yeah,” I told him. “A couple times. It’s hard. But…” I remembered the way Robbie had looked at me thoughtfully over his sandwich yesterday, the way he laughed and then seemed surprised to catch himself so at ease. It looked like it made him less and less uncomfortable every time. “But it’s the best part of my day,” I confessed.

I was looking down at my bare feet in the grass when Mark next spoke, and I was grateful for that when his words rolled over me.

“I think he’s falling in love with you.”

I closed my eyes. It was too much — I can’t, I  _ can’t _ . “Mark —”

“He’s always known that you’re his mate,” he said, seemingly unaware of the hurricane building inside me. Or maybe he knew, and was going to make me hear him anyway. “I know he’s felt it since he laid eyes on you, even if he didn’t understand until Gordo removed the glamour on his bite. Your bite. He fought it because he was afraid, but he’s always known.” He paused. I tried to breathe. “But knowing you’re someone’s mate, feeling that call, is different than being in love. Than letting yourself be in love.” His usually quiet voice was heavy with emotion. Forcing myself to look up at him, I found him watching me steadily. “He’s cautious. He’s still afraid. But he’s letting himself fall in love with you.”

I felt like I was cracking apart. That hope was going to drown me if I let it. I wanted to let it pull me under, blissfully surrender myself to it.  _ He’s letting himself fall in love with you _ . If Robbie never got his memories back, this was the best I could hope for. This was enough. It was  _ enough _ . To love and to be loved and to have Robbie here and  _ safe _ and  _ happy _ . That was  _ everything _ .

With effort, I clawed myself back from that edge. Even if Mark was right —  _ please let Mark be right, oh god please  _ — it would only just be the beginning. I had to give Robbie time, give  _ myself _ time. And then there was Robert and Michelle to deal with. Always one more thing.

And now… I looked closer at Mark. There was something in his eyes, something that I’d heard in his voice just now. I thought back to what he had just said, and my heart twisted as the tightness around Mark’s eyes suddenly made sense. I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself like Mark was being steady for me. “I don’t think there was ever a time where Gordo didn’t love you.”

The slow breath that Mark let out was heavy, and I wondered if it was weighted with the same things that put pressure on my chest. Hope, relief, and a reluctance to accept them lest they dissolve under my touch. “He always knew that he was my mate. And… I think you’re right. I don’t think he stopped loving me. I know I never stopped loving him. But he hated me enough to make up for it, and for a very long time. He had to  _ let _ himself love me again.” Pause. “Robbie’s trying. That’s what matters.”

Bending forward, I plucked a piece of grass from the ground, buying myself some time as I twisted it between my fingers. I tried to imagine how hard it must be to be surrounded by faces I didn’t know and to be told that I loved them, that they loved me, that this was my family. All I could do was keep showing Robbie that it was the truth. “I think I might have lunch with him again today.” I paused, suddenly, foolishly, unsure of myself. I glanced up at Mark. “Do you… do you think he’d like that?”

Mark hummed quietly, all traces of the memory of pain apparently forgotten. He carried so much inside of himself, and sometimes it was easy to forget. “I think he’d like that very much.”

It felt too simple, too easy, even though I knew it was anything but. Even so, the thought of seeing Robbie, regardless of the situation, made me feel warm. I had to remind myself, once more, to not overwhelm him. If only I could sense him, could  _ feel  _ him like I used to be able to. “Has Gordo said anything…” I squirmed a little, feeling as clueless as I had when I’d first started to let Robbie into my heart. “While he’s at work, do you know if he’s talked about me?”

Mark chuckled. “If you even hint to Gordo that you think he’s a gossip, he’ll not talk to you for a week.” He pushed himself to his feet. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

I watched the way the morning sunlight played around the treeline as Mark went back inside. I knew I should follow him, should get to work, but I remained where I was for another few minutes, pondering our conversation. The new realities of my life.

There was a lot to worry about. There was the matter of getting Robbie’s  _ memories _ back to worry about.

But maybe whether Robbie would love me or not wouldn’t have to be one of them.


End file.
